Sorry for the delay!

I know it's been a LONG time since I wrote last.  A whole lot has been going on.  I started spring quarter in college and still struggling to make it to both classes and work.  I have good news though! It started with a trip to the hospital last week.  I woke up early to get ready for work and started having some very uncomfortable chest pains so I layed down for a bit.  I woke back up to get the kids some breakfast still having chest pains but this time it was accompanied by a very dizzy, light headed feeling.  As I walked out of my room the next thing I remember is waking up on my hallway floor and low and behold I had peed in my pants!  I was scared so I told boyfriend to come home and take me to the hospital.  Fainting with young children in the house isn't the best thing to do.  I got to the hospital and immediatly after them finding out about my past open-heart surgery I was wheeled off getting all sorts of wires, i.v.'s, and finger thingies hooked up to me.  I was trying to explain that I honestly didn't think it was my heart and kept trying to inform them on my struggle with my thyroid treatments.  They didn't listen and continued to think it was heart related.  When the tests came back that it wasn't they called it syncope and sent me home.  Hmmm, I called my doctor with concern and she got me in the next day.  They did blood work and we reviewed my hospital test results.  The blood work came back with a shocking result, my TSH was at 2.5!!! I was thrilled!  wow, were almost there.  My endo wants to see it at .2 but this was closer than we've ever seen it! A normal level for most people actually.  This still left me with a question about the fainting and still feeling just not right. Well my doctor explained that it was probably a really bad anxiety attack considering i've been battling anxiety since this whole thing started; and i've been really sick for the past week.  The feeling crappy part is probably just from hopping around on meds trying to figure one appropriate for my anxiety.  That should definately be easier than the thyroid meds.  I am currently on 300 mcg of Synthroid and 15mcg of Cytomel a day and probably going to stay close to that for the rest of my life; but it feels good to have it almost right where we want it! YAHOOOO!!! 

Feeling down today...

Something i really need to come to terms with is that i am ultimately on my own in life.  Yeah, we all have people that love us and are there for us but in reality the only person living my life and walking in my shoes is me.  This has been hard for me to face.  Wondering if i'm strong enough to go through hard times on my own when people start to turn their backs or get bored with the sheer long-term issues i go through.  Its hard for people to understand that although everything seems normal on the outside i'm a big ol mess on the inside.  For your average person who doesn't see blood or bruises it seems automatic to think someone is okay.  Saying "i don't feel good, this doesn't feel right" or "i just don't think i can make it through work right now" after awhile may come off as lazy and gets old to people.  You start losing the only people you can turn to and the world gets more and more lonely.  I understand I make my happiness and I chose how my life goes and who or what I welcome into that life.  But lately I feel like i'm losing that control and maybe I will never feel normal again and I just have to get used to feeling extremely crappy.  Maybe this is my life now.  I know at some point I need to just suck it up and put one foot in front of the other.  I'm not sure if the people around me are aware of how I feel but the last thing I want to do right now is bore them with more of my antics.  I was super excited to go out on Sat to a seafood buffet at the casino.  thought it would make me feel better, i LOVE my crab and clams, etc.. but for the next few days after I felt like complete and total death.  I learned since your thyroid tissue is the only tissue in the body to absorb iodine and I don't have a thyroid I probably took in too much iodine for my body to regulate.  So not excited about that.  I could definately use some success stories for encouragement and definately need my son to wake up from his nap and the love of my life to come home so i can smile.  i don't like these days.

Dear Kendal...

Hi dear.  let me just say I was sooo happy to hear from you and everyone. this is exactly why i'm writing this blog.  i am extremely sorry to hear you're going through the same thing.  I am also 26 and its really hard to face the "C" word so young.  i would love to answer your questions.  it was really weird how i found out actually. i was at work and i had a cold, i was rubbing my sore throat and felt a big lump.  i felt other people's throats and realized it was out of place and shouldn't be there.  I went to urgent care after work and that doctor reffered me to an ENT surgeon.  I went the next week and they said i needed an ultrasound.  Within a couple days they did the ultrasound and saw that it was a half solid half liquid mass that was 2.5 cm.  The doctor said they could do a needle biopsy but due to the inconsistency of the tumor it wouldn't be 100% accurate. I opted to just have it removed and tested for 100% results.  two weeks later when i was laying on the hospital bed getting prepped for surgery they told me they were going to test the tumor during surgery and if it was malignant then they would do a total thyroidectomy. this was news to me! i didnt know if after they put me to sleep if i would wake up with a thyroid or not.  turns out i'm in recovery in and out of sleep and i remember the surgeon standing over me telling me he was sorry and that it was cancer and they had to remove my thyroid. i knew at that moment my life had changed.  i am actually surprised you havent done the RAI treatment yet.  they told me everyone has to get it to destroy any remains of thyroid tissue in the body.  from this point on all thyroid tissue is considered cancerous.  they immedietly started scheduling me with my endocrinologist and my radiation in Seattle.  I had my surgery June 6th and began radiation September 7th.  They try to give you a few months to adjust to your pills before they pull you off of them to prep you for radiation. i still have yet to regulate my pills.  i am on 225 mcg of synthroid and 3/5mcg cytomels a day and my tsh is still in the upper 20's.  its crappy but i know we will be okay.  Keep me posted about what's going on with you and let me know if you have more questions for me.

September 7th the battle had begun!

This is a photo of my scan prior to the "hot pill" RAI (radioactive iodine).  It was a crazy day.  Only a couple of months ago was I unaware of the dangers lurking in my body and now this!?! I was terrified. Allow me to point something out though.  Many of you may be wondering how someone was able to take a picture of me during my scan.  Well, my boyfriend Bob, has been by my side through this whole thing and never once has missed an appointment or a scan or a treatment.  Mind you I have 4 doctors and they all know him by name as well.  Noone was going to stop him from taking this and frankly they didn't even try.  He sat there for 45 minutes while this machine scaled my body from head to toe.  After the scan they calculate the dose needed for the hotpill then the radiologist calls out to have it made.  That's right made to order! like Jack in the Box! Once the pill arrived the doctor made Bob leave the room and the doctor stood in the the doorway while I stared into my lead-lined microwavable future.  This "hot pill" came in a lead tube, inside of a lead jar, surrounded by lead bricks and they had to yell at me from the doorway how to take it.  I thought to myself "wow! something they can't even get close to I have to swallow!!"  and so I did it one pill and a glass of water.  Seems simple right? The unsimple part was yet to arrive.  For the next 5 days it was actually illegal for me to be in public.  I had to remain quarantined at home, away from my kids, dog, and Bob.  The amount of radiation radiating off of me was that of an x-ray machine that's on all the time.  Could damage otherwise healthy people.  Bob was allowed to sit 6 feet away from me for a half an hour and I almost had to kick him out of the room when that time was up.  It brings me tears to think about how much support I had during my darkest days.  I know that it helped with my recovery till now.  I feel it's very important to have that and that is what i'm here to give.  Support.  I can now honestly say "i've been there" but i'm very aware that the same situation can affect everyone entirely differently and you will never 100% understand what anybody goes through. 

This one is for you Brother!!!!

So I have this amazing brother-in-law whom I looooooove dearly. He's amazing to my equallly amazing sister and half the reason the most beautiful girl in the world is here.  My niecy poo!!! I was so excited to tell my sister and him about my blog because they are literally my biggest fans in the world and definately the core of my support system. Love them! They enjoyed it and brother told me he would advertise my blog as soon as I wrote another entry and i'm holding him to it!  I am really eager to get this stuff out there.  I don't think enough people are aware of how important your thyroid is and how common thyroid cancer is becoming.  I am also really looking forward to answering questions and lending an ear for those going through similar experiences.  I'm a very compassionate person and always willing to extend my heart to a new friend.  Dear god I think this is starting to sound like a dating profile.  sorry guys.  As for my acupuncture yesterday I feel really good today! I know it's a long road ahead but i'm on my way! lookout world! I'm making a come back! Do I use too many exclamation points? If I do, it's only because I can put all of my mental energy into words and that helps balance out the lack of physical energy.  Considering i'm starting to sound like a complete and total dork I will leave you now.  Enjoy your night world and be safe!!

Dear Lord it's a needle!

So i don't really know what i'm doing yet here, but i thought as part of my cancer recovery i would reach out in hopes that someone going through the same things as me knows they're not alone.  I had my surgery back in June and it's been a hell of a roller coaster ride since.  My doctors and I still haven't gotten my thyroid pills in order and it could be awhile unfortunately.  So i'm sittin steady at about a 27 TSH la dee la and I guess my other levels are low too.  I'm almost maxed out on my thyroid pills and just as i'm starting to feel hopeless I hear a little voice in my head (what my mother would say) " Giving up already? That's not the person I raised, the Sierra I know would make this cancer her bitch."  So I thought to myself, you're right ma, this is my body, my life, my health, and i'll be damned if something or someone compromises that without my approval.  Considering I would never in a million give that approval to anyone anywhere anytime I figured it was time to take back my life, in a bear hug, death cholk hold, arm bar sort of way.  My LIFE is on my TERMS.  This was yesterday, and dammit I felt good today.  I will give you my background later but this is so much more exciting.  My first step in defeating this awful trespassor..... NEEDLES! That's right folks, Acupuncture and other TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine). I made the appointment this morning and went in this afternoon.  Though my condition is more severe than they've seen, it's definatly do-able and i'm all for it!! So I said "Go ahead and poke me!" (my boyfriend wanted me to rephrase this but it's all about reality on this blog and that's really what I said).  Instantly needles in the neck, CRAZY!!! Felt like my muscles in my neck turns into a tropical thunderstorm, kinda cool actually.  Didn't hurt and was really relaxing.  Were going to do this once a week for awhile and i'm looking forward to it! He also put me on Jin Gui Shen Qi Wan, 10 pills morning and night.  Supposedly the combo of herbal and acupuncture is key! I'm game considering nothing has really worked thus far.  I will definately keep you posted and i'm so excited to start spilling my beans!!!