Feeling down today...

Something i really need to come to terms with is that i am ultimately on my own in life.  Yeah, we all have people that love us and are there for us but in reality the only person living my life and walking in my shoes is me.  This has been hard for me to face.  Wondering if i'm strong enough to go through hard times on my own when people start to turn their backs or get bored with the sheer long-term issues i go through.  Its hard for people to understand that although everything seems normal on the outside i'm a big ol mess on the inside.  For your average person who doesn't see blood or bruises it seems automatic to think someone is okay.  Saying "i don't feel good, this doesn't feel right" or "i just don't think i can make it through work right now" after awhile may come off as lazy and gets old to people.  You start losing the only people you can turn to and the world gets more and more lonely.  I understand I make my happiness and I chose how my life goes and who or what I welcome into that life.  But lately I feel like i'm losing that control and maybe I will never feel normal again and I just have to get used to feeling extremely crappy.  Maybe this is my life now.  I know at some point I need to just suck it up and put one foot in front of the other.  I'm not sure if the people around me are aware of how I feel but the last thing I want to do right now is bore them with more of my antics.  I was super excited to go out on Sat to a seafood buffet at the casino.  thought it would make me feel better, i LOVE my crab and clams, etc.. but for the next few days after I felt like complete and total death.  I learned since your thyroid tissue is the only tissue in the body to absorb iodine and I don't have a thyroid I probably took in too much iodine for my body to regulate.  So not excited about that.  I could definately use some success stories for encouragement and definately need my son to wake up from his nap and the love of my life to come home so i can smile.  i don't like these days.

Dear Kendal...

Hi dear.  let me just say I was sooo happy to hear from you and everyone. this is exactly why i'm writing this blog.  i am extremely sorry to hear you're going through the same thing.  I am also 26 and its really hard to face the "C" word so young.  i would love to answer your questions.  it was really weird how i found out actually. i was at work and i had a cold, i was rubbing my sore throat and felt a big lump.  i felt other people's throats and realized it was out of place and shouldn't be there.  I went to urgent care after work and that doctor reffered me to an ENT surgeon.  I went the next week and they said i needed an ultrasound.  Within a couple days they did the ultrasound and saw that it was a half solid half liquid mass that was 2.5 cm.  The doctor said they could do a needle biopsy but due to the inconsistency of the tumor it wouldn't be 100% accurate. I opted to just have it removed and tested for 100% results.  two weeks later when i was laying on the hospital bed getting prepped for surgery they told me they were going to test the tumor during surgery and if it was malignant then they would do a total thyroidectomy. this was news to me! i didnt know if after they put me to sleep if i would wake up with a thyroid or not.  turns out i'm in recovery in and out of sleep and i remember the surgeon standing over me telling me he was sorry and that it was cancer and they had to remove my thyroid. i knew at that moment my life had changed.  i am actually surprised you havent done the RAI treatment yet.  they told me everyone has to get it to destroy any remains of thyroid tissue in the body.  from this point on all thyroid tissue is considered cancerous.  they immedietly started scheduling me with my endocrinologist and my radiation in Seattle.  I had my surgery June 6th and began radiation September 7th.  They try to give you a few months to adjust to your pills before they pull you off of them to prep you for radiation. i still have yet to regulate my pills.  i am on 225 mcg of synthroid and 3/5mcg cytomels a day and my tsh is still in the upper 20's.  its crappy but i know we will be okay.  Keep me posted about what's going on with you and let me know if you have more questions for me.